I'll let you be in my dream if I can be in yours

This morning in New York 2.3 million people masturbated, 250,432 had sex, and 17 college students took it up the ass for the first time.

By 11am 76 men had received blow-jobs in the shower from 82 women who were not their wives, and 6,744 New Yorkers had made their way home from a one-night-stand with a stranger they met the night before.  1,237 of them will go out again and 352 will have a third date.  Two of them will eventually fall in love and get married.

By 4pm 252 people had threesomes and of those 84 events, 76 of them were incredibly awkward. 632 people looked into someone’s window with telescopes and 122 of them either saw a couple having sex or someone showering.

By the end of the day 212 women had sex with colleagues of their husbands.  8 of them had their husband’s consent. 6 people had sex in Central Park before the rain started and 68 girls were fingered while watching Avatar. 

It was a good day in New York.

—Guy New York

“I have a bit of a love fetish.”

I took a sip of scotch and slipped my hand into hers between our bar stools.  She looked up at me with a smile, and I brushed her hair behind a perfect ear and kissed her on the cheek.

“How does it work?”

“It’s simple really.  You convince me you love me and I’ll come like a librarian on Henry Miller. Come home with me, kiss me softly, and tell me you’ll be there forever. “

“That’s it?” I asked.

“It helps if I know I won’t see you again.”

An hour later we were half way through a bottle of Sin Zin, and I had been trying to tell her for at least thirty minutes.  She asked me again what I wanted to say and I leaned in closely and finally whispered it in her ear. She was kissing me before I said “you” and I kissed her back without constraint. 

I actually carried her to her bedroom and undressed her slowly marveling each time something dropped to the floor.  I kissed her neck and told her she was perfect.  I circled a nipple gently with my thumb until she moaned into my ear and asked me what I wanted.  I responded by pulling her body against mine and pressing myself between her thighs.

“Tell me something,” I whispered as I rubbed myself against her.  “Do you love me?  Do you really love me, because I can’t imagine being apart from you?”

“I just met you,” she said.

“And I feel like I’ve known you forever. You’re beautiful and brilliant, and you make me feel safer than I have in years.”

She just kissed me and pulled me close to her.  She screamed when I entered her and told me to go slowly.  I whispered I love you over and over again in her ear as I slowly moved inside of her.  I told her ridiculous things as we made love on her bed, and I honestly don’t remember half of them.  I would take her away and marry her.  We would raise children together in the south of France and nothing would come between us.

As she got close she stopped me and looked up into my eyes.  I stayed perfectly still, our bodies still connected, as I looked down into her eyes.  Finally she pulled me to her once against and told me she loved me too.  As the words came out of her mouth her body began to shake and tremble and she tightened around me over and over again.  She kissed me painfully hard and wrapped her arms tightly around me and wouldn’t let me go.

Hours later I asked her if I could see her again.

“We’re already in love,” she replied.  “What else is left to do?”

—Guy New York